Maybe this inner conflict of being transparent but wanting control is part of my longing for creative expression? So that I can expose my emotions in a more controlled manner? Expose, but not reveal?
I have never been good at hiding my feelings. My face is like an open book to my soul. I wish I had more of a poker face sometimes. It makes me feel like I’m transparent, like people sometimes see right through me. At the same time I have a strong integrity. I don’t want to show ”everything”. Some things I just want to keep to myself. Knowing that I can’t hide what I feel, makes me feel exposed. Fragile. However, I also feel that my emotional vulnerability is my strength. I am an emotional being, an introverted soul at heart where my mind is strongly connected to my feelings. This makes me grounded – I am what I am – what you see is what you get. So I kind of like this transparency at the same time. I just want to be able to choose how transparent I want to be in different situations.
Photo: Marie Elmqvist