Transparency

I have never been good at hiding my feelings. My face is like an open book to my soul. I wish I had more of a poker face sometimes. It makes me feel like I’m transparent, like people sometimes see right through me. At the same time I have a strong integrity. I don’t want to show ”everything”. Some things I just want to keep to myself. Knowing that I can’t hide what I feel, makes me feel exposed. Fragile. However, I also feel that my emotional vulnerability is my strength. I am an emotional being, an introverted soul at heart where my mind is strongly connected to my feelings. This makes me grounded – I am what I am – what you see is what you get. So I kind of like this transparency at the same time. I just want to be able to choose how transparent I want to be in different situations.

Maybe this inner conflict of being transparent but wanting control is part of my longing for creative expression? So that I can expose my emotions in a more controlled manner? Expose, but not reveal?

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Photo: Marie Elmqvist
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2 thoughts on “Transparency

  • Hello, Marie! John here. ”I have never been good at hiding my feelings. My face is like an open book to my soul. I wish I had more of a poker face sometimes.” Really? I thought Swedes learned that reserve from an early age. So much for stereotypes. Anyway I’m like you that way.

    Gilla

    • Hi John! 🙂

      I am a bit shy and reserved with new people – in a way a bit ”Swedish” I guess – but mostly I am just introverted I think. But I don’t have a poker face :). I can’t fake my feelings! I don’t think reserved means ”hiding your feelings”. It just means that you show them more subtly. I am not showcasing my feelings with strong vocal and physical expression, quite the opposite, it is just that my face and eyes give me away in situations when I don’t want them to…! LOL

      Gilla

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